he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
