if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
