just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
