I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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