So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
