Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
