A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
