She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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