dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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