Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
