i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Welp...herpes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
