I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
