I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
