Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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