hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
