I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
