That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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