On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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