but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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