you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
