his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
