you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He? As in you personified your dick?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
