you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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