weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
