weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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