I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have aggressive nipples.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
