I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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