Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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