This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
