Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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