it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
