the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
