remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
