I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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