I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
