I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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