and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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