I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
