I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
