i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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