I just saw a hot homeless man
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
