OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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