i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
