and you said cock pushups were impossible
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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