sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
