I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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