I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
