I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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