I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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