If i come over, it means nothing
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
