I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
